As the clock strikes midnight, and trying to finalize everything that I need to do before I leave in the morning, I’ve been feeling reflective. I’m sure it’s not uncommon at all for this stage in the journey. I’m going in tomorrow for my 6th surgery in less than a year (and what a year it’s been)! Doc will be replacing my tissue expander’s as well as removing the ports attached to each one! I CAN NOT WAIT to get these suckers out of my chest! They don’t belong in my body, are so uncomfortable, and frankly, they have hurt like hell near the end, but as screwy as it sounds, I’m so thankful for them! They are a vital part of getting to this part in my recovery and moving on with my life!!
I hope and pray to God that this is my second to last surgery in my lifetime! God willing, my last will be the surgery to have my chemo port removed, which should be minor. I’m promising myself that there will be NO MORE COMPLAINING. (Okay, I’m probably lying to myself, but I have to start somewhere!) I really want to have a more positive outlook which, God willing, that will remain for the rest of my life! The way I see it, when I finish up whipping cancer’s ass, I can do absolutely anything I set out to do!
This past year has been the worst year of my entire life, behind losing Mom to cancer in 2012. I greatly appreciate the prayers from my loved ones to help me put this past year behind me, and to find the energy that I have completely lost. I SO look forward to our future and am so excited for any and all opportunities that lie ahead!
It may sound minor to most, and this is definitely not creating miracles by any means, but being able to talk to the few women that I have had the pleasure of speaking with so far, sharing my trials and tribulations now that they are unfortunately faced with the same, has hopefully helped give them the information that I wish I had had before I began my journey. Being slapped in the face with such life changing news, and facing the complete unknown is absolutely terrifying. The loving support that you receive from those close to you is absolutely a necessary factor in getting through the journey, but I so appreciated the ladies that took the time to speak to me ahead of time. They were able to give me bits and pieces of information that inevitably made sense and helped me realize more of what to expect, so I just want to be able to do the same for others. This experience has been life changing, and there were so many things that I had to learn on my own. If I can spare others from having to do the research to find answers and possible solutions for the endless side effects and challenges that I have faced over the past year, then I feel that I’ve accomplished a good thing!
So many dear friends and some family members, even total strangers that I now consider friends that I’ve met on my journey have been a crucial part in providing me with the strength that I’ve managed to muster up throughout this nightmare! Thank you to all of you that have been by my side throughout this journey!! XOXOX
Here is to the future and moving on!!!